Even though I didn’t find much self-understanding in the “Classic Trans Story,” I did, eventually find some models of gender that helped me understand more of myself and my experiences, and that helped me answer the question of whether I should go through a gender transition. In this post, I’ll talk about those models, and what I found useful in them and how they helped me make sense of my identity.
Pomosexuals and the “Classic Trans Story”
Once I started to suspect that I was transgender, I did a lot of research to find out more about what being trans meant and what I should expect. I found lots of authoritative sounding resources which described a perspective of transgenderism that felt somewhat like my experience but different enough to imply that I might “really” not be trans. I spent a long time in “gender crisis” trying to figure out whether I was “really trans” and whether I should (or would even be allowed to) transition. Eventually, I figured out that the mainstream understanding of transgenderism is a distorted representation the overall population of gender variant people, and that it’s rooted in psychological theories based largely on outdated cultural biases and extremely incomplete data sets.
Body Mod: Part 2
In this post I talk about how my body modification feelings sexualized as I got older and how they became intense desires to change gendered aspects of my body. I can’t tell this part of the story without giving some pretty explicit details about my sexuality though, so if you’d rather not read about my sex life, then I invite you to skip this post and go check out the most adorable cat video of all time. Folks who want the full story, please read on…
Body Mod: Part 1
For as long as I can remember I’ve been fascinated by body modification. “Fascinated” isn’t even close to strong enough of a word. I’ve been utterly transfixed by it. Bodies changing, or being changed, has always felt profound and almost spiritual to me. Even when I was 3 or 4 years old, I knew that feeling was special and something to be cherished, and I also knew it was too hard to explain to other people. So I instinctively kept it secret and enjoyed it privately.
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Hormones
In this post I’ll talk about how hormone replacement therapy has impacted my emotions, my body, and my sex drive.
Dyke
The first time I really, seriously thought I was trans was almost exactly two years ago, the night of April 22nd, 2011. I’d known what “transgender” meant for a while, and I’d also known that I had gender issues for a while, but every time I asked myself if I might be trans, the answer was always no. Until that night.